by Michael Eckenfels, 26 March 2026
Science class (especially chemistry) was, I must admit, very boring for me. The only fun you really had been when you got to see things sizzle, cook, or melt through desks (okay, that only happened once, and it was my partner’s fault, I swear). There was still just something about mixing ingredients to come up with new and interesting (and hopefully non-toxic) combinations that stirred the beaker-stopper-into-the-ceiling side of me.
Science Class Without The Explosions
So I put a beaker stopper into the ceiling at Mach 4 once. And so what if I got a little detention? The sound of the class collectively gasping (and the sight of that grouchy teacher almost jumping out of her skin) gave me a near sickening interest in chemistry. Fortunately, that never panned out; I never applied myself, never tried, etcetera, so my scholastic experience with chemistry died with the state-mandated education requirements.
Nevertheless, when Theophrastus was announced, I had to review it. There’s just something about mixing chemicals and creating new compounds that is fascinating; the creation of various potions, elixirs, and amulets that were made in Theo’s time (some of which makes one wonder if he was a quack) gives a good sense of this era, which was considered to be the time of the beginning of modern science.
The Game
From two to four players can vie for the acclaimed apprenticeship with Theophrastus; the player that scores the most points in a total of three experiments may claim this honor and will win the game.
Each experiment requires that one parchment (experiment) be laid in the center of the table; these range in difficulty from A (easiest) to C (most difficult). The game always begins with an A-type experiment, to allow an easy start to the game. Each experiment has three different Regents that have to be matched in order to be completed: Metals, Elements, and Essentials.
Metals consist of Lead, Iron, Copper, Silver, and Gold, and represent base substances found in the earth. Elements are Earth, Water, Air, and Fire. Finally, Essentials are Salt, Sulfur, Mercury, Nitre, and Vitriol. Each category in a given experiment requires a certain number of each category in order to be completed. For example, the “Erotic Philtre” experiment (pictured above) requires any 2 Metals, 1 Fire, and any 5 Essentials. Some experiments are more flexible (and complicated) than others.
To fulfill these experiments, players draw cards from five separate decks (not sure why there must be five, but it doesn’t matter which deck you draw from), and start with five total cards in their hands. From these, they work to fill in Theophrastus’ experiment, their own experiments, and try to screw up their opponents’ experiments.
The “eldest” player (not sure if this is a deference to the old homage, ‘respect your elders’, or merely a dig at them by making them take the first turn) takes a special marker and begins play. The player who has the marker is responsible for advancing Theophrastus’ experiment at the center of the table; he starts by drawing a card and playing one face down on the parchment. He alone then has knowledge as to what card is there…a distinct advantage, since the object is to score the highest point totals, and the surest way of doing that is by matching as closely as possible the cards in Theophrastus’ experiments.
Sound complicated? Naah, it really isn’t. Once the player with Theo’s marker advances the experiment, play moves to the player on their left. This is where the real fun begins.
Creating the Cosmos, or Just Playing Dirty Tricks
Play continues to the left until it reaches the one holding the Theophrastus marker; they get a “normal” turn and then pass the token to the next player to their left. The game then continues until Theo’s experiment in the center is finished.
Each player, on their turn, gets three Action Points. This gives the game a great amount of flexibility, for with these points you can do a great deal. You can spend points to draw cards, advance your own experiment (one point to play a card face up, two to play it face down – playing face down means other players can’t see your work and have to result to dirty tricks to view them), advance Theo’s experiment, or any number of other things.
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Ultimately, the goal is to match your Regents with those of Theophrastus; matching exactly means more points (so, matching a Gold in your experiment with a Gold in Theo’s means you score the points on your Gold card). Merely matching a like Regent (such as a Silver instead of a Gold) means you only get one point. Negative points aren’t possible, but goose eggs are, so you have to be careful.
Being careful means watching out for dirty tricks, and watching out for perfect opportunities to play your own. Usually, these can be pretty light and involve spying on cards in Theo’s experiment (for your own knowledge), or can be as brutal as changing a Regent to something other than its original form; this can cause grown alchemists to cry, as perfect experiments fall apart after someone sticks a Transmute, Transform or Transfer Philosopher’s Stone card onto your perfect experiment. Or Theo’s, even; the “great master” is not immune to these attacks, and best of all you do not suffer any ill effects from these (unless, of course, the attack affects your own matching).
Besides the above, a Philosopher’s Stone can also allow a player to steal a card from another’s hand, remove a Regent from any player’s (including Theo’s) experiment, or a Laboratory Spy that reveals facedown cards.
As you can see, having facedown cards is a good thing; the more secrets you hold from other players the better as you try to get more points. The best of this world comes from revealing Theo’s cards, but only to yourself. Spend three of your Action Points to do so; you can spend only two and reveal it to all, if you wish, but it means the knowledge is made available to all.
The “dirty trick” was no doubt a skill pioneered long before Theophrastus’ time, but all’s fair in apprenticeships; the ‘best’ man winning is not necessarily the most honest. This type of play (messing with other players) adds an enjoyable dimension to a game that already has value from the many ways to play (and win).
Summary
Theophrastus is a unique card game of luck balanced with skill; a lucky draw must be skillfully deployed in order to be most helpful. Maxing out points is the order of the day, and ruthless cardplay is encouraged to that end. This title is great fun for all, and a short diversion as well; the average playing time is a mere 15 to 30 minutes per experiment. With short playing time, chemicals, and stab-in-the-back action, this particular game comes highly recommended from this reviewer.
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